Random thoughts

Life feels good when you have good people in your life.The ones with whom you can discuss ideas,your aspirations,anything.Some say that your happiness should not depend on other people.It may be true when you concentrate all your energy on others and in the process forget yourself.But if you genuinely like being around people,then it shouldn't be a problem.At the beginning of every relationship,the parties involved are formal and trying to strike a good chord,being in their best behavior.But the minute you give the relationship a name and tell each other what it means to you,the magic is lost.Things become less formal which is good but in the process complacency sets in.We start taking each other for granted.We forget that certain things might hurt them.Why does this happen?Is it because at the beginning of any relationship there is a sense of insecurity and the chances of losing a person are more,hence efforts put in to make things work are higher.The minute we realise that the other person would not leave us,we become complacent.What we strive for so hard at the beginning of any relationship becomes insignificant the minute we get it :-)

Lets say we happen to tell them what gesture of theirs has hurt us,they tend to take offense for it.Its not that we're cribbing or complaining but if you don't let them know what hurt you,how would they stop from doing it again??Why are we considered clingy or needy for voicing our thoughts?Whats wrong is saying that we need a little more attention or a little more love? :-) When we can ask for food and water when we need them,then why not these things? :-)

I'm so confused,I can't even achieve the purpose of this post.Wearing my heart on my sleeve is probably not the best way to go about dealing with people or the world but this is my choice and no matter how much it hurts or disappoints me,this is how things will be for me.I can't pretend to be something I'm not just like one can't pretend to be enjoying a medicine when its bitter :-)

Commitment

What is commitment??Cambridge dictionary says "When you are willing to give your time and energy to something that you believe in,or a promise or a firm decision to do something".

When it comes to a relationship, most people associate commitment with marriage which might be true but not in all cases.To me commitment in a relationship would be the willingness of a person to give all that they can to make a relationship work.Now I might be questioned,does it all not lead to marriage.No,it need not.Again,people might say,a relationship did not work out because you weren't committed enough.But thats not true because with time,people can change and so can interests.It might hurt if a particular alliance does not work out but clearly at the end of the day you know that both of you have given it a 100% while it existed.

Its usually easy to blame the failure of a relationship on one person and say that they weren't committed enough but deep down you know that it isn't true (:

End of the day,things weren't meant to be and you should to learn to accept things as a whole and not accept only those things that make you feel good.Sounds like I'm leaving things to fate?On the contrary, life became a lot simpler by accepting that they are other things in store for me.I made my choice and so I decide my fate (:

Misplaced

Oh my!!! How can someone treat ME way??? How can I be talked to this way!!!! I so don't deserve this.I mean I'm such a nice person and I never hurt anyone intentionally.And if i do hurt someone I make it up to them.Yeah!! This is how I deal when I am not treated the way I like.Think so high of myself like I'm queen or something.But thank god for this ego,else I'd have given up on so many things.But this ego of mine sometimes makes me focus on myself so much that I refuse to see the finer,better things.Sometimes making a matter look much worse than it really is.And that sure puts me into trouble.

There's nothing wrong in having an ego.But a misplaced ego is something that one should be wary of.It makes one look at themselves like they are the only thing in the world that needs all attention,often leading to self-pity.I've been there,done that!!

So whats the conclusion I come to???Have an ego but realise thats there's more to life than just myself and my issues.

No Pain,No Gain :-D

Oh the desire..The want to do it. The feeling building up with each passing day.But along with it comes the thought of pain.But then I console myself.... No pain,No gain.I prepare myself and decide to take the plunge.I take the bus to give myself some extra time to calm down,to keep it cool.Telling myself I can handle it and that it will be fun I walk on to my destination. I can see him from a distance... My heart is racing!My palms are all sweaty....I walk upto him and give him a smile.He smiles back.He asks me if I am ready....I hesitate.He asks me again... I say Yes. He holds my ears and I feel all tingly...Then he says,"Yahan theek hai???".I say yes.I close my eyes.. and the suspense builds up.Two seconds later.. I go "Ouch!!".He says.."Relax!It'll just take a while.Then it won't hurt".I trust him.And 5 min later I walk out with a big grin on my face.. And thats how I got my ears pierced!!!!!

Excruciating Pain

A hundred things on my mind
For a few people in my life
I have to tell them those things
But thing is... I can't

Hesitation on my part
A feeling that I'll be laughed at
Or still worse
It'll fall on deaf ears

I can't tell them
For it'll hurt
Not because its rude or hurtful
Just because there's too much love

A love they cease to understand
A love they choose not to recognize
A love that makes them feel obliged
For reasons of their own

I know not what to do
I know not what to say
I need to let out my thoughts
And this is how I do it

Individuality

I was recently a part of a group discussion and the topic being "Indian Education System".I mean like any sane person would,I gave my opinion about the matter and had a healthy discussion.At the end of the session I was given a feedback by the person handling the GD.I was actually told not to speak out sentences which aren't "Politically Correct", so to speak.Then whats the point of a GD if all you are trying to do is say something that is widely accepted but as a fact everyone knows that its not true???I mean why are we always told to please other people???Why are we to behave like we owe them anything?? Like we have to keep them happy??Why can't I be myself and say what I feel is right?What's wrong in it??? A lot of people may oppose what I'm saying right now,may feel is a bit too strong.But thats precisely how I feel. The world has come to a state where we have to measure everything that we say,where we can't be ourselves. If only everyone would take the step to be themselves and speak their mind out by thinking clearly, the world would be a better place.

Thanking my friends .....

Sometimes in life.. you know the answers to your problems.. you keep staring at them... but you refuse to accept them because it pains you to know what you'll stand to loose.Its like standing on a wall.. you're not either side.Hanging in between trying to choose between the 2 sides.. the longer you take to choose.. the harder its going to be make the deciding jump.When life gives you more than one choice... make the one choice which will give you peace of mind.It may seem hard initially but in the long run its the best you'd have made. And sometimes you need your friends to help you make that decision... Maybe they seem harsh telling you the reality but they mean good. They wanna see you happy and content and so its good to listen to them. I love my friends because they're the ones who've helped me out when I've been confused and stuck.They've been harsh with me but they were right. And I'm so glad they yelled at me when they did. Like someone once said "Friends are the family you choose".They make my life more beautiful :-).

I feel goooooooooooooood!!!!

Thats it!



I FEEL GOOD!!!! :-D

Questions . . .

So many questions in life,...about life and so few answers.Fewer are the ones I understand.What is life? Who am I? Why am I here? What is the purpose of life? Does life mean being able to breathe? Or that I get along with people and live in a community and feel lke I belong? That again makes me ask.. "Why should I belong?? Why should I get along??"

Why are people considered a social outcast just because they do things differently? Why is being different not accepted as gracefully as everything else in nautre?

What is freedom? What is slavery?
If slavery means being forced to do something we do not like,aren't we all slaves of the "community"?? Try thinking something out of the box and voicing it out.. if it isn't something conventional,I guarantee you that it will be snubbed. Freedom of thought, freedom of speech is what our constitution says to be the right of every Indian. Why then are we snubbed?

We are taught as kids that we must speak the truth at all costs. Why then are we expected to sugar coat what we think? Or asked to twist the truth to our advantage? It is said that "The truth shall set you free". But once you speak the truth, you make enemies because the truth is usually bitter. Making enemies in authoritative posts is just calling for trouble.Why would anyone want to get into trouble??

WHY?? WHY?? WHY??
Why so many questions??

I would generally not agree with ignorance being bliss because ignorance is like being blind, but as I see that I am unable to find answers to my questions, I choose to be ignorant.

Retrospection...

Anger beyond control
Frustration beyond reason
Bitterness in the heart..
That no words can treat.

Pain such that it tears me apart
Along with it an ego hurt so bad
Feels like I've lost myself
To a person who does not deserve that.

Why the cocky,nasty behavior now?
Why after so long?
Did I hope for things to get better?
Or did i understand wrong?

This is not me..
This is not what I used to be..
Why do I let things affect me so much..
That I lose myself in me??

I hope to get back to being myself
The time it'll take in unknown to me
The sooner... the better
'cause I need my sanity.

My life..... As of now...

I love my life..
Its given me all that i want..
Better than what I could hope for..
A life with everything so nice..
It makes my life so meaningful

My life has taught me a lot..
To love is better than to be loved..
To be able to give is more treasured than to receive..
To be able to hope for a better tomorrow is something that most could only hope for..
To be able to see a silver lining in every dark cloud is a blessing in disguise..

Why then do I crib when I've been blessed with so much??
When I should actually be thanking people who've made this possible??

There have been times when I've been down.. when I've been low,
but without these moments of agony..what is getting high,would I really know??

Letting go . . .

The power of letting go
Is it really that powerful or is it just an eyewash?
Does letting go really help or is it just a compromise?
I know not the answers to all of these
What I do know is my need for peace.

Peace is just a state of mind
Absolute and whole...easy to find
Then why go looking for it outside?
When all I have to do is look within I...

Happiness again is such a relative term
What brings you happiness may not bring me joy
Happiness again is easy to find...
In the birds,the bees and also the sky.

A glowing warmth fills my heart
Fills me with hope for a new start
A day so happy,a day so bright
A day so might.. it turns darkness to light.